I ripped my arm out of his hold. “Got nothing to do with you, Scott,” I threw back at him, my furious glare still on Nash.
“I don’t know what you two are arguing about but hitting a fellow club member brings problems into the club; problems we don’t need.”
“Fuck it!” I bellowed and stormed out of the clubhouse.
It was just after nine am when I heard J come through the front door. I’d been up waiting for him for two hours. In fact, I’d been considering going to the clubhouse and confronting him there.
His angry gaze swung my way when he entered the kitchen where I was waiting. I was stunned at his anger; he had no reason to be angry at me.
“We need to talk,” I stated the obvious.
“Damn straight, we need to talk,” he delivered on an angry breath.
I’d worked hard to contain my anger. All night, I’d bloody worked hard to do that; to wait to talk to him and find out his side of the story before getting angry. But now, I was done. “No! You don’t get to be mad at me, J. I’ve not done anything wrong here,” I yelled at him.
“You sure about that?” he asked, furious eyes blazing.
“Yes, I’m sure about that!”
“You spoke to Nash about us,” he accused me.
Shit. I did feel guilty about that.
I raised my hands in a defensive gesture. “Hear me out, okay?”
He raked his fingers through his hair. “Start talking, Madison.”
“Nash actually guessed there was something wrong and then when I hesitated to share with him, he guessed that you and I were having problems in the bedroom -”
He cut me off. “So, we don’t have sex as much and that turns into us having problems in the bedroom?” he demanded. “Problems that you felt it necessary to talk to Nash of all fucking people about.”
“If you’d calm down and discuss this rationally, you’d admit that, yes, we were having problems. You and I, we’re people who need sex. Some people aren’t like that but we fucking need it, J. It keeps us close. Nash pointed out that if we weren’t having it, then it probably meant that our connection was somehow broken. So yeah, I’d call that problems in the bedroom.”
I knew I’d said the absolutely wrong thing when his face twisted in barely concealed rage at the mention of Nash. He jabbed a finger in the air at me and warned, “Don’t ever fucking talk to Nash about us again.”
I struggled to keep check of my own anger. “Well I had to talk to someone because you sure as hell wouldn’t talk to me!”
His eyes were wild, his face was flushed, and the vein in his neck was twitching. When J was angry, it consumed the room and I could feel it right down in my bones. He stood staring at me for awhile, not saying anything, until eventually he said, “I couldn’t.” And with those words, all the fight left him. He looked utterly broken, and unease filtered through me. Something was very wrong.
“Why?” I almost whispered, afraid of the answer. My legs felt shaky and chills surged through me. I reached out and gripped the top of the chair to steady myself. His eyes flicked to my hand on the chair, and then back up to my face. “Because I didn’t want to shatter your world completely,” he answered me softly. I didn’t say anything, just stared at him, waiting for him to continue. He took a deep breath before going on. “Your father showed another side of himself to me while I was away, a side that you won’t like, and I was trying to shelter you from that. Problem was that I was also trying not to have secrets between us. So, I’ve been fucking stuck between the two, not knowing how to proceed.”
Relief coursed through me. I thought that he’d been going to tell me something about himself, something that would affect our relationship. This was better; this I could cope with. “You can tell me anything about my dad, J. I already know what an asshole he is.”
“I know you think you hate him, but all that aside, he’s your father. He’s the fucking man who raised you. He should be the man you assess all other men by; the man who should always be setting an example for you. And as much as you don’t want anything to do with him now, I’d have bet that over time you two would have found your way back. I fucking prayed for that, babe, because a life without a father in it fucking sucks. So, this shit I know now, it’s probably gonna destroy any love you might have left.” He paused and searched my face. “That’s why I couldn’t talk to you. That’s why I was distant. I fucking wanted to be with you but I couldn’t find the way to do that while I was keeping this secret.”
My heart swelled with love for him. “I get it, baby,” I said, and laid a hand on his chest. “But you can tell me now; I’ve got you to help me deal with it.”
“Yeah, you do,” he said, a sad smile threatening his lips. “Your father sent me to the Adelaide chapter, said he wanted me to check out a suspected paedophile in the club. Made out like he wasn’t sure if the guy was that or not. Turned out that he’d known he was and he’d known that for about a year. Known what the cunt was doing and fucking let it happen. All so he could wait to use it against the guy when it suited his purpose. He also knew there were others. It makes me sick that he let that shit go on for a year.”